"30 Days of Night"

Title: "30 Days of Night"
Released: 2007

To say this movie is kind of lame would be like saying that Paris Hilton is a bit superficial. Josh Hartnett stars (in the barest sense of the word) as the Sheriff of a remote Alaskan town that is on the verge of entering its annual month of continuous darkness (hence the title). It seems that most of the townsfolk get the hell out of dodge for the month, leaving a bare "skeleton crew" of people to hold down the fort. In a pathetic attempt at character development and injecting some plotline, Melissa George portrays Stella, Sheriff Oleson's estranged wife who had come to town secretly on some fire marshall business and did not manage to fly back out before all forms of transport out of town were shut down. Cue the awkwardness when she has to stay until the month passes. From here on, the story pretty much goes like this: a band of vicious vampires descend upon the villagers to revel in 30 days of coffin-less bliss and carnage while the Sheriff tries to figure out a way to defeat them and save as many people as possible.

Call me old-fashioned, but I like my vampire flicks to have at least a little of the traditional philosophical, existential focus. Part of the allure of vampirism lies in the creature as a sophisticated charmer with supernatural powers over the living, but with no choice as to immortality. Movies such as "Interview with the Vampire" (1994) and Bram Stoker's "Dracula" (1992) explore the tragedy that comes along with eternal life, casting the vampire as a much more sympathetic figure. Not here apparently, as the vampires (who do speak their own language) seem to be nothing but ferocious feeding machines (kind of like sharks that can walk around and breathe). While this kind of brutal, single-minded creature can be very interesting in the right circumstances (for example, if there were a plot or a backstory), it just doesn't work here. If I wanted to watch animalistic predators devour defenseless prey, I'd watch the Discovery Channel. This film has absolutely no substance whatsoever. Even its attempt at an unpopular, uncompromising ending proved clumsy and amateurish.

Bottom Line: Don't waste your time. Really.

Rating: 0.5 out of 5 Shitty Vampire Movies.